She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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