im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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