its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
