smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
