R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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