good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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