Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
