I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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