I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
