Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
