Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
