the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
