I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
