He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
