dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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