Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
