shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
there is puke in my bra ... again
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