His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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