If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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