yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize