Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
