Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish my penis had an off switch
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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