I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
