Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
