Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
