well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
