I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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