she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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