Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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