i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
