wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
