mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
