Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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