Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
