i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
