I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
