when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
