the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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