OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
