I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
