Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
