where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
