Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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