Please, let me fuck your mom
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
