I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
