dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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