Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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