Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
