she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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