The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
