I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
