I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize