She's JV to your varsity
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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