i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
