Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
