I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize