my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
