i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
