You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
