Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
