just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
