butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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