The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
