does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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