i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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