He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
