Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
