Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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