Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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