god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
