this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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