this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
