Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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