Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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