I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
