Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
