whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can I color on your dick again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
